Diseases Of Parrots

 

They say nothing moves your book faster like a sick bird on your cover.

I don't know what's wrong with this parrot, I don't really wanna know what's wrong with this parrot. Best I can guess is that he's got some sort of mange...but, like, parrot mange. I found this in my local Goodwill, so I can only assume that whomever had this book had a diseased parrot and now that the book is no longer in their possession, well...there's really only two ways that can end, isn't there? Honestly, and I know I always sound sarcastic even when delivering the absolute most serious sentiment, (god forbid I was a doctor, could you imagine me trying to deliver the news about a terminal illness?) I LOVE this book cover. I love everything ABOUT this book cover, from start to finish. It's simplistic, yet it catches your eye, and it's a very basic design layout with color and image on the majority of it and a white header with the title at the top. Beautiful, and yet gives off a sincere air of "I didn't give two shits when I made this".

I flipped through the book (sadly this was taken months before I started this blog or even had any idea about starting this blog so I didn't take any pictures of the inside) and it was pretty much what you'd expect. A handbook for those interested in parrot diseases. Different varieties of parrots, all diseased, and with full color, glossy images to boot! Sort of like a deranged, bird hating National Geographic, really. It listed varies types of diseases and what parrots are more likely to get them, and what to do if your parrot catches said disease.

It was chock full of information that only a handful of people could need! Definitely something someone felt was necessary to publish to a mass audience.

Actually, all jokes aside, I don't think this thing ever cracked the NYT best seller list, hate to break it to you guys. It's no Dan Brown novel. No, this is but a humble guide to your parrot and their possible cavalcade of diseases! Such fun for young and old readers alike! I think part of what makes me truly love this cover, honestly, is the parrot itself. It looks like a goddamned puppet, doesn't it? It looks like someone stuck a google eye and some feathers on some sort of ragdoll and made a parrot puppet and then they used that for the covershoot. That does not look like a real parrot. I've seen real parrots, okay, they're much taller and covered in poisonous spikes. This is not a parrot. I hate how chipper he looks. He looks...happy. Like he's just thrilled to pieces to know that he's infected with...I don't know. I didn't open the book, so I don't know parrot diseases. Let's say Parrotosises. That sounds scientific, right? Cool, we'll go with that. So Chuckles here has Parrotosises and he looks just pleased as punch about it. I don't know about you, but if I were in Chuckles position, I don't think I'd be very happy.

Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe Chuckles thinks that everything is fine. Chuckles may be an idiot, for all we know, gloriously unaware, basking in his own ignorance regarding his ever encroaching mortality. If that's the case, then perhaps he's better off this way. Nothing could be worse on a persons mental health than knowing when they're going to die. Having to know a social function is coming up is bad enough, god, could you imagine having to know you're going to die from Parrotosises and buried in the backyard with a headstone that reads something like, "Here lies Chuckles; Eating crackers in Heaven."

This poor bastard doesn't stand a chance whether he lives or dies, really. If he dies, he gets a shitty tombstone and if he lives he has to be the pet of an idiot who'd make a shitty tombstone. Poor son of a bitch.

All in all, this is one of the funniest books I've ever found in a thrift store, and I thought it'd make a great first outing for this blog. Let's hope we're all like Chuckles, dying as we lived; annoying those around us and shitting all over everything.